For all of us who grew up as the ghost child, thank you for writing this beautiful piece! Wow this story made me teary as I remembered a birthday party during elementary school. I sat off to the side watching everyone as I tend to do, and the bday girl’s mom told me I must be a watcher. Tho well intended, her observation made me wince at my loneliness and isolation, ashamed of my glaring lack of social grace. Since my twenties, it occurred to me that even as an artist I’m not the quiet type always; I just need to be able to have trust the right ppl. Like you wrote, sometimes you just gotta scream. Around my friends, I’m talkative and weird and my laugh is so loud it can be heard down the block. It’s funny how our sense of identity changes based on circumstances, a sense of trust, and a supportive environment. I see that happening on substack sometimes; the shy kids actually have a ton of interesting funny smart shit to say to people! Thank you for creating your blog and sharing your stories with readers. I’m super appreciative of your valuable ideas and intriguing tales. Plus your jokes make me laugh.
Jessica!!! Thank you so much for telling me this story, i really appreciate it so much. This used to happen to me a lot when i was a kid, and i’m so glad we are able to have a bond over that. It shows us how much we progressed and how much we didn’t let that become 100% of our identity. Us, humans are so complex, and have so much baggage within ourselves that it is impossible to define us as one thing, even though society quickly puts us in a box, because it’s easier for them to do that. I love chatting with you though notes or comments, you’re a great example of someone who always has something special and insightful to say, you’re a very easy person to talk to. And oh my god thank you for saying that about my jokes, they don’t get much appreciation 😭😭😭 And i must say, your cat is the cutest cat i’ve ever seen. Not even kidding.
Jessica, I need you to know that what you said so seamlessly blended with what Amanda wrote that when I came upstairs to my computer (where I prefer to do my actual engagement on Substack because the phone is for scrolling, not for typing), I was looking for the laughter comment in her essay. That it was a part of your response is a testament to the universality of what Amanda has touched on, a universality that I did not think existed. That there are girls like me (many now grown women like me, some who are still youthful and quiet) is something I didn't think was possible. What kind of group of friends would we be if we were all in a room together? I find that we are often the kind of ladies who notice things about people that no one else does who also comments on it, because we know that saying you like a stone in a necklace someone wears all the time because it seems precious to them, rather than an accessory, is the art of connection and true love.
All this is to say, my laughter AND my voice can be heard miles away, and it has been the thing that has kept me quiet in my life. My mother, especially, though even my partner now (though I'm capable of fighting him on it!) have made me feel that my loud voice is a quality I must temper... And yet I know that it is the only voice I have. My quietness of the past does not mesh with the talkative, vibrant person I am today in the minds of those who knew the quiet me, but it's clear that that is the only way one can be truly observant.
“You’re interesting. What you write is interesting, so talk about it! It's not that you were never interesting to begin with, it's that some people think that they're 'the shit' and that they're doing everything correctly, and want to tell you how to live your life.” i wasted several years of my life wholeheartedly believing i had imposter syndrome with writing because of those people. I deprived myself of MYSELF because I felt like i wasn’t worthy of the act. I didn’t write like them and being a poser was my greatest fear. If younger me experienced a more supportive environment I wholeheartedly believe I’d have found my voice a lot sooner. I could’ve flourished and blossomed beautifully, basked in the light of my talents if i didn’t have a bitch in my ear complaining about the “overuse of metaphors”. like weren’t we all beginners at some point? aren’t we all searching for that “something” about us when we write? thank you for this Amanda <3
oh wow!!! i feel you SO much. Can i share your comment? You pretty much summarized all my intentions when writing this piece! I loved your comment so so much! Thank you for sharing it!!! 🫶🏻
I too feel as though I've just awoken from a very, very long slumber in which my writer's voice has lain dormant, while the thorns around the castle prickled and bled any interesting and creative thought that came near. My lack of a supportive environment was ossified into a permanent peanut gallery in my mind. Here's to throwing those peanuts back at them!
Kelsey!!! I love you SO much! I’m so glad you’re here and i’m so glad you could relate! I hope you see how far you’ve grown and how powerful you became! 💛✨
You don't know how much I needed this. I've been struggling a lot with my writing this year, to the point I've simply stopped, because trying to keep going, confused and frustrated and dissatisfied by everything I put on the page, on top of being so busy, didnt't feel sustainable at all. I miss it though. A lot. And I don't know, your words simply made me think of that. I just love it when I read something that makes me remember how much I love writing. Thank you.
hi, av!!! thank you so much for taking the time to write me a comment!!! I’m glad that my post made you think about your love for writing. It really is a beautiful thing, and it helps us in so many ways. Our writing style and writing about our experiences is an extension of our identity! If you find the right time and if you find the right words inside of you, i would really love to read you one day! Even if you think that something you wrote isn’t good enough, there is always someone out there who will love to read your words and to relate to them. Perfectionism is good sometimes, and it helps, but sometimes it definitely holds you back from making a beautiful connection with someone, which is the purpose of writing, at least for me. ✨🩷💌🫶🏻
it's like you just reached into my soul and pulled this out! i love you so much and as always, this was a wonderful read. i think this is one of my favorites of yours 🌟💌💘
SARAH!!! My wife, my LIFE! I love you so so much, and nothing makes me happier than seeing your comment, and omg omg omg to have written your favorite one so far makes me SO HAPPY! Really all the validation i needed!! Literally our friendship is so important to me, ur my favorite person on this app. I LOVE YOUUUUU!!!!! ✨🥹🫶🏻🩷💌
I love this piece so much and was such an interesting read to see this perspective as someone with the opposite problem. I’m glad you decided you were worth listening too because you definitely are!
Yours sincerely someone who could never shut up as a child and was frequently told too hahaha xx
hi, Lily!!! Thank you so much for your comment! And it makes me so happy to see the two opposite perspectives getting together!! We should never stop talking because we do have important things to say!!! 🩷💌🫶🏻✨
I think there is something so magical about you that you didn't stop talking, even when people told you to! I would have seriously envied you as a kid, and I envy you now! Though we are all learning how to be loud and exuberant here, in this wild west of a platform.
Love! One perk to immigrant-otherness (Hi! I'm from Ukraine!) is you become observant to a maniacal degree. Being an outsider, you watch the play unfold and draw conclusions, connecting the dots (I did this in the process of acculturation: "oh so that's how they do that here"). This has served me so well. Turns out being "the quiet one" or "the other" has its perks if you also decide to be "the writer."
hi, Lisa!! Much love to you and to Ukraine!!! And i totally can relate to that. You can definitely adapt to a new environment by observing, after all, observing is the primary form of learning, right?! But we have to be constantly reminding ourselves that there is much to learn about us that is within us. We’re not just a product of the way we were raised or the place we’re at. We’re so complex and it feels like we hold an infinity of things inside us sometimes! ✨🩷
"Did you ever just put water on your shampoo bottle when it was over so that you could wash your hair one more time with it? and i wanna hear her say yes." Well, yes I have! Loved this, I grew up a very quiet kid and still very much am, but I think people mistake that silence for meekness and decide you aren't worth shit because of it (which sucks). Like others have said, I too tend to be more open and loud when I'm around people I like. It's nice to read things like this once in awhile to remind me that quiet and observant doesn't have to be all we are.
Char!!! You’re so real for that!!! And exactly!! We are so multifaceted, so complex and we’re into so many things, and that can really blossom when we’re in the company of the right kind of people! We have to be around people that enhance our lives by embracing the way we are and that support us on our many different interests and emotions. 🥹💌🫶🏻✨
Yes! Stop talking about me. 😆 LoL. You hit it except I don't write. Well, I didn't. I am slowly trying. That's better than not. You piece reminded me of the Scene from The Gilmore Girls, when Rory is not wanting to jump from the tower. She is told to get involved. So she jumps off with, What's his name, [LoL], brain cramp. Anyway, you got it right. If anyone hasn't told you, but you are very wise. You know your stuff, if not, fake it till you make it. You're good!
Mark!! I guess she jumps with Logan? Is that his name? Also not sure lol. Thank you so much for reading this one, it’s one of my favorite pieces! And thank you for calling me wise, i really try to be! It’s all about seeing the reasonable side of everything!
YES!! Logan. You got it. THank you. This is like finding that extra penny and all is good . I don’t ever wish to sound corny or just dumb, I do understand your work. Better than I ever thought. Not to try to fit on or find something to connect, you just put everything I feel or know into words. I truly didn’t think others felt as do about things. I thought I was alone or just weird. I’ll share my corner with you and we can watch and talk about all we see. This is so fun.
“The world can start paying attention to the writer instead. You’re always the protagonist of your own life, not just the funny side character that needs a drink or two.” So good 🫶🏻 What a needed reminder.
you honestly reminded me that this was a thing that was possible and is something I used to do all the time before I had a voice to ask for more shampoo. And like... I am almost out of my shampoo. GUESS WHAT I'M DOING NEXT TIME I SHOWER!?
“That’s my life goal, as an observer and as a person. To find that one real motherfucker. And to have a fucking conversation for once.” This! And I’ll join you with that life goal! Too many “quiet” people have been dismissed as not “interesting” or “cool”. Myself included. Thank you for writing this! I think this post proves that there are many real motherfuckers out there, we all just need to be discovered so that we observe and share together!
BIJA!! You’re the coolest. So glad we found each other and i’m so glad you acknowledge that you’re the coolest ever. Thank you so much for being here and we, cool people, need to get together!!! Let’s totally observe and share together!! We deserve to have our place in the sun, after many years of being labeled as “quiet”. We have a voice! ✨🥹🩷💌
For all of us who grew up as the ghost child, thank you for writing this beautiful piece! Wow this story made me teary as I remembered a birthday party during elementary school. I sat off to the side watching everyone as I tend to do, and the bday girl’s mom told me I must be a watcher. Tho well intended, her observation made me wince at my loneliness and isolation, ashamed of my glaring lack of social grace. Since my twenties, it occurred to me that even as an artist I’m not the quiet type always; I just need to be able to have trust the right ppl. Like you wrote, sometimes you just gotta scream. Around my friends, I’m talkative and weird and my laugh is so loud it can be heard down the block. It’s funny how our sense of identity changes based on circumstances, a sense of trust, and a supportive environment. I see that happening on substack sometimes; the shy kids actually have a ton of interesting funny smart shit to say to people! Thank you for creating your blog and sharing your stories with readers. I’m super appreciative of your valuable ideas and intriguing tales. Plus your jokes make me laugh.
Jessica!!! Thank you so much for telling me this story, i really appreciate it so much. This used to happen to me a lot when i was a kid, and i’m so glad we are able to have a bond over that. It shows us how much we progressed and how much we didn’t let that become 100% of our identity. Us, humans are so complex, and have so much baggage within ourselves that it is impossible to define us as one thing, even though society quickly puts us in a box, because it’s easier for them to do that. I love chatting with you though notes or comments, you’re a great example of someone who always has something special and insightful to say, you’re a very easy person to talk to. And oh my god thank you for saying that about my jokes, they don’t get much appreciation 😭😭😭 And i must say, your cat is the cutest cat i’ve ever seen. Not even kidding.
Jessica, I need you to know that what you said so seamlessly blended with what Amanda wrote that when I came upstairs to my computer (where I prefer to do my actual engagement on Substack because the phone is for scrolling, not for typing), I was looking for the laughter comment in her essay. That it was a part of your response is a testament to the universality of what Amanda has touched on, a universality that I did not think existed. That there are girls like me (many now grown women like me, some who are still youthful and quiet) is something I didn't think was possible. What kind of group of friends would we be if we were all in a room together? I find that we are often the kind of ladies who notice things about people that no one else does who also comments on it, because we know that saying you like a stone in a necklace someone wears all the time because it seems precious to them, rather than an accessory, is the art of connection and true love.
All this is to say, my laughter AND my voice can be heard miles away, and it has been the thing that has kept me quiet in my life. My mother, especially, though even my partner now (though I'm capable of fighting him on it!) have made me feel that my loud voice is a quality I must temper... And yet I know that it is the only voice I have. My quietness of the past does not mesh with the talkative, vibrant person I am today in the minds of those who knew the quiet me, but it's clear that that is the only way one can be truly observant.
“You’re interesting. What you write is interesting, so talk about it! It's not that you were never interesting to begin with, it's that some people think that they're 'the shit' and that they're doing everything correctly, and want to tell you how to live your life.” i wasted several years of my life wholeheartedly believing i had imposter syndrome with writing because of those people. I deprived myself of MYSELF because I felt like i wasn’t worthy of the act. I didn’t write like them and being a poser was my greatest fear. If younger me experienced a more supportive environment I wholeheartedly believe I’d have found my voice a lot sooner. I could’ve flourished and blossomed beautifully, basked in the light of my talents if i didn’t have a bitch in my ear complaining about the “overuse of metaphors”. like weren’t we all beginners at some point? aren’t we all searching for that “something” about us when we write? thank you for this Amanda <3
oh wow!!! i feel you SO much. Can i share your comment? You pretty much summarized all my intentions when writing this piece! I loved your comment so so much! Thank you for sharing it!!! 🫶🏻
ofc u can share <333
I too feel as though I've just awoken from a very, very long slumber in which my writer's voice has lain dormant, while the thorns around the castle prickled and bled any interesting and creative thought that came near. My lack of a supportive environment was ossified into a permanent peanut gallery in my mind. Here's to throwing those peanuts back at them!
"What if someone out there who was labeled as “quiet” too early actually has a fucking lot to say and wants to tell everyone to fuck off?"
This part made me tear up and hold my breath for a sec. I can relate to this deeply. The world needs more people like you in it. 💛
Kelsey!!! I love you SO much! I’m so glad you’re here and i’m so glad you could relate! I hope you see how far you’ve grown and how powerful you became! 💛✨
You don't know how much I needed this. I've been struggling a lot with my writing this year, to the point I've simply stopped, because trying to keep going, confused and frustrated and dissatisfied by everything I put on the page, on top of being so busy, didnt't feel sustainable at all. I miss it though. A lot. And I don't know, your words simply made me think of that. I just love it when I read something that makes me remember how much I love writing. Thank you.
hi, av!!! thank you so much for taking the time to write me a comment!!! I’m glad that my post made you think about your love for writing. It really is a beautiful thing, and it helps us in so many ways. Our writing style and writing about our experiences is an extension of our identity! If you find the right time and if you find the right words inside of you, i would really love to read you one day! Even if you think that something you wrote isn’t good enough, there is always someone out there who will love to read your words and to relate to them. Perfectionism is good sometimes, and it helps, but sometimes it definitely holds you back from making a beautiful connection with someone, which is the purpose of writing, at least for me. ✨🩷💌🫶🏻
it's like you just reached into my soul and pulled this out! i love you so much and as always, this was a wonderful read. i think this is one of my favorites of yours 🌟💌💘
SARAH!!! My wife, my LIFE! I love you so so much, and nothing makes me happier than seeing your comment, and omg omg omg to have written your favorite one so far makes me SO HAPPY! Really all the validation i needed!! Literally our friendship is so important to me, ur my favorite person on this app. I LOVE YOUUUUU!!!!! ✨🥹🫶🏻🩷💌
I love this piece so much and was such an interesting read to see this perspective as someone with the opposite problem. I’m glad you decided you were worth listening too because you definitely are!
Yours sincerely someone who could never shut up as a child and was frequently told too hahaha xx
hi, Lily!!! Thank you so much for your comment! And it makes me so happy to see the two opposite perspectives getting together!! We should never stop talking because we do have important things to say!!! 🩷💌🫶🏻✨
I think there is something so magical about you that you didn't stop talking, even when people told you to! I would have seriously envied you as a kid, and I envy you now! Though we are all learning how to be loud and exuberant here, in this wild west of a platform.
Love! One perk to immigrant-otherness (Hi! I'm from Ukraine!) is you become observant to a maniacal degree. Being an outsider, you watch the play unfold and draw conclusions, connecting the dots (I did this in the process of acculturation: "oh so that's how they do that here"). This has served me so well. Turns out being "the quiet one" or "the other" has its perks if you also decide to be "the writer."
hi, Lisa!! Much love to you and to Ukraine!!! And i totally can relate to that. You can definitely adapt to a new environment by observing, after all, observing is the primary form of learning, right?! But we have to be constantly reminding ourselves that there is much to learn about us that is within us. We’re not just a product of the way we were raised or the place we’re at. We’re so complex and it feels like we hold an infinity of things inside us sometimes! ✨🩷
felt this so much. lovely work
thank you so much for reading!!! 🥹🩷✨
"Did you ever just put water on your shampoo bottle when it was over so that you could wash your hair one more time with it? and i wanna hear her say yes." Well, yes I have! Loved this, I grew up a very quiet kid and still very much am, but I think people mistake that silence for meekness and decide you aren't worth shit because of it (which sucks). Like others have said, I too tend to be more open and loud when I'm around people I like. It's nice to read things like this once in awhile to remind me that quiet and observant doesn't have to be all we are.
Char!!! You’re so real for that!!! And exactly!! We are so multifaceted, so complex and we’re into so many things, and that can really blossom when we’re in the company of the right kind of people! We have to be around people that enhance our lives by embracing the way we are and that support us on our many different interests and emotions. 🥹💌🫶🏻✨
Yes! Stop talking about me. 😆 LoL. You hit it except I don't write. Well, I didn't. I am slowly trying. That's better than not. You piece reminded me of the Scene from The Gilmore Girls, when Rory is not wanting to jump from the tower. She is told to get involved. So she jumps off with, What's his name, [LoL], brain cramp. Anyway, you got it right. If anyone hasn't told you, but you are very wise. You know your stuff, if not, fake it till you make it. You're good!
Mark!! I guess she jumps with Logan? Is that his name? Also not sure lol. Thank you so much for reading this one, it’s one of my favorite pieces! And thank you for calling me wise, i really try to be! It’s all about seeing the reasonable side of everything!
YES!! Logan. You got it. THank you. This is like finding that extra penny and all is good . I don’t ever wish to sound corny or just dumb, I do understand your work. Better than I ever thought. Not to try to fit on or find something to connect, you just put everything I feel or know into words. I truly didn’t think others felt as do about things. I thought I was alone or just weird. I’ll share my corner with you and we can watch and talk about all we see. This is so fun.
“Did you ever just put water on your shampoo bottle when it was over so that you could wash your hair one more time with it?” YESS!
YESS!!! SAME. 🥹🥹🥹✨🫶🏻
“The world can start paying attention to the writer instead. You’re always the protagonist of your own life, not just the funny side character that needs a drink or two.” So good 🫶🏻 What a needed reminder.
oh my godddd thank you so much, Jenni!!! 🥹🫶🏻✨🌟
“Did you ever just put water on your shampoo bottle when it was over so that you could wash your hair one more time with it?”
YES.
YES!!! Great minds think alike, Rose!!!! 🤭🤭🩷🫶🏻
you honestly reminded me that this was a thing that was possible and is something I used to do all the time before I had a voice to ask for more shampoo. And like... I am almost out of my shampoo. GUESS WHAT I'M DOING NEXT TIME I SHOWER!?
LOL I LOVE THAT!! YOU GO, ROSE!!! I did the same thing last week lmao!! 🤭🤭🤭
I did it and it worked fine! Hooray!!!
Same here!!! 🤭🤭🤭
“That’s my life goal, as an observer and as a person. To find that one real motherfucker. And to have a fucking conversation for once.” This! And I’ll join you with that life goal! Too many “quiet” people have been dismissed as not “interesting” or “cool”. Myself included. Thank you for writing this! I think this post proves that there are many real motherfuckers out there, we all just need to be discovered so that we observe and share together!
BIJA!! You’re the coolest. So glad we found each other and i’m so glad you acknowledge that you’re the coolest ever. Thank you so much for being here and we, cool people, need to get together!!! Let’s totally observe and share together!! We deserve to have our place in the sun, after many years of being labeled as “quiet”. We have a voice! ✨🥹🩷💌
💕🌀🥹
Lmao it’s always finance dude
YES!!!! It’s always a finance dude.
puhhhhhhhhhLEEEEASE. You know you’re shredding.
this literally made my day i’m gonna tell my kids about this 😭😭