Inner Child.
The Certified Writer’s Files #10
Which versions of you came before the one you currently have?
1.
Much is being said about the ‘Inner Child’. All the time.1
“Unleash your inner child”, do this for your inner child, do that for your inner child… And I feel like I’m very late to this party, but whatever. We should engage on discourse as much as we feel like we need to, and we need to talk about stuff that matters to us, right?
So, let’s discuss about exactly what brought me to think about this whole ‘Inner Child’ thing.
I recently saw this video of the The Try Guys™ trying every single Barbie product that was released in 2024. I mean, I don’t know much about The Try Guys or about what they do exactly, but it was such a good video and it inspired me to write this piece.2 As I was saying, there was something so healing about watching 30 something year old dudes playing with Barbie products in the most unhinged way possible… It was the closest thing to being a child again I’ve ever experienced in the last couple of months. They really captured the essence of being a kid, and I really appreciated that.
In one moment of the video, they were trying Barbie makeup that was made for adults, and stuff like Barbie straightener, and one of them asked something like “why the hell do they make Barbie stuff for adults?”
And the other one replied: “Because little girls grow up”.
That was the silliest fucking thing ever (I KNOW), and you might be laughing right now, but what if I told you that I actually teared up when he said that? Oh my God, sometimes the silliest fucking stuff makes you just… cry your heart out.
I have such an obsession with getting up in the morning and making my days worth something. I need to wake up, I need to work on drafts, I need to submit drafts, I have a million deadlines, I have college, and I genuinely never stop to think about stuff like this. Where’d all of that time go? And also, I never genuinely stopped to think that being a little girl, or a little boy, is the most influential thing ever. These moments are the ones that are going to dictate the rest of your life. Who you are, in your essence, is who you were as a child. But there’s no really ‘were’.
I was frustrated with my job, with myself, with the way writing for this app has been, and looking back on my childhood made me realize that this is the way that it was always supposed to be. My path was always traced for me. Pictures of 8 year old me drawing the illustrations for the 90th book I’ve written that year, me mimicking the poses of famous authors at age 11, me with my first copy of ‘Black Swans’ by Eve Babitz at age 15.
As hard as it has been, I’m grateful for the freedom I was always given to be a creative. I was always a creative, this is my path. As hard as it has been, this is who I always was. And I am grateful for that. My inner child is happy, as they say.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
Even though I had my moments of wanting to give up, my moments of disappointment with this job, I will never stop writing. I never did. I was writing way before having a platform, and I’ll keep writing forevermore. It’s the only way I have ever known to express myself. Writing puts me in contact with that little girl.
And by thinking so much of that little Mandy, I realized that I have genuinely never stopped to thank my mother for the fact that she gave me the freedom to be myself all of these years.
I did do that, this holiday season.
I was many people inside one. My whole life. There was my emo phase, my tumblr girl phase, my skateboarding phase, my basketball phase, my fashion girl phase, and not only did my mother embrace every single one of these, she also encouraged me to be myself to the fullest, and to enjoy every single one of my phases. My room was always filled with posters, posters that were changing over time, until there were no posters anymore. And that’s super symbolic.
We’re so sure of who we are, of what we like, of everything, really, when we’re teenagers, that we feel that need to buy posters, and lots of merch of our specific interests. By the time we’re 18, we reset. Who is this person? Why did I even like this?And the fact that my mother made me understand that I am (and will always be) a little bit of every phase I had changed my life.
And that’s the message I’d like you to have. Nobody knows who they are, 100%. There are many moments in your life you’re about to have, many impactful pieces of art you’re about to witness, many friends you’re about to make, and these things will shape your personality as you go through with your life. We’re constantly shaping (and reshaping) who we are. We’re nothing but the scraps of who we were. And we’re using these scraps to build something bigger.
So, if you didn’t have that as a kid, my Christmas wish for you is that you take your phases and let yourself enjoy them. Celebrate them. We think that we outgrow these things, but they’ll always be with us. There’s nothing to outgrow here.
Sometimes we get so anxious about the next best new thing, the next song of the summer, the next pop superstar, the next trend, that we forget who we are. We’re constantly bombarded with ads and people trying to sell us stuff. “this will make you a hot girl”, “everyone’s wearing this”.. yeah, but what about you? What about that little girl? We’ll never be as authentic, now that we’re constantly being influenced by external forces (or influences, if you get what I mean), but it feels nice to reconnect with that side of yourself from time to time.
That does not make us weak, or infantilized, as I’ve also seen this discourse. It makes us more authentic and it makes us be more in touch with ourselves. I get that previous generations say they were “forced” to grow up and forget about that side of themselves, but this is not about work ethic, this is not about laziness, this is not about being infantilized. This is not about capitalism. This is about what makes you be yourself.
Celebrate each and every single version of yourself, and celebrate whoever encouraged you to stay true to yourself at all times.
Thank you mama, I love you. <3
2.
Here are some things that you can do to celebrate your inner child!
*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚