I just had a flashback how could I forget Carmen, Carmen, top shelf liquor Carmen?! Loved the reminder to teen readers that it's okay to act their age and not a fraught aesthetic. I would gently like to point out that self-diagnosis, while complicated, shouldn't be immediately disregarded. A lot of children from non majority groups (girls, non-white) are proven to have a much harder time being diagnosed and even when diagnosed neglected or put in harm's way.
hi, Delise! Thank you for your comment!!! I do believe that self diagnosis shouldn’t be disregarded, what i truly meant with this piece is a self diagnosis in a way that feels like “If everyone on tiktok seems to be having this disease , i should have it too to be a part of a certain group and fit in somehow”! It’s great that you pointed that out! Thank you for reading!! And Carmen was really the blueprint for our tumblr generation, right?!
i think it may have been a good idea to add the nuance surrounding self diagnosis in a footnote, if not somewhere else in the piece. without that context, it reads (at least for me) as a bit reductive. love your work and the meaning of this piece overall, but we can critique glamorization of mental illness without coming off as flippant towards self diagnosis
hi, Sophie!! Thank you so much for your comment! After writing this piece, i came up to two mental health professionals with this dilemma. And we came up with the conclusion that self diagnosis is a really complex matter. Although i can’t say it is right to do it, if mental health care is inaccessible or unaffordable, self diagnosis can be a necessity and a valid option. I will definitely add that to the piece, so it doesn’t become incomplete, but i can’t necessarily say that self diagnosis by influence of media is right (which is the context of the piece), but outside of it, there is this opinion. The piece was meant to reach people who are more vulnerable to influence, as teenagers, so they don’t make the mistake that i, unfortunately, did. So i meant to be very clear about the importance of mental health and knowing your diagnosis, i really apologize if i came out as flippant, that is really the opposite of what i meant to do! Thank you so much for pointing that out and i’ll definitely add it to the piece, if you have anymore suggestions or questions, my dms and comments are always open and that will be greatly appreciated!!! 🫶🏻✨🥹🩷
So true! Back when Tumblr was all the rage! I remember sitting in class (UK) with my friend, and she set me up a page. All other social media was blocked in school, but they didn’t know about Tumblr!
You're not a regular writer, you're an excellent writer. The romanticization (now, there's a word I don't use a lot) of mental illness long predates Elizabeth Wurtzel though. I believe it took hold in the early 19th century with the Romantic poets. Each generation seems to rediscover it, and have its own icons. Sylvia Plath achieved immortality not by writing excellent poetry, but by committing suicide. Rock stars are adored not on spite of, but because of their messed up lives. Thanks for taking a stand against all this!
Lia!!! Thank you so much for your comment! And thank you for reading this!! It shocks me and saddens me to know that it has been a thing since very, very long ago. And exactly, such a sharp observation on Plath and Rock stars! I truly think that if we, personally, take a stand against all this, we can change our lives for the better and other people’s lives,too! (especially the teens). Mental health is very important and very should be taken very seriously.
“I don't know what's right and what's real anymore And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore And when do you think it will all become clear?'Cause I'm being taken over by the Fear”
-Lilly Allen
I don't really know why it does, this song when I first heard it just spoke to me. I would listen to it over and over. When I was happy, sad, mad, just pissed off at everything and everyone. I always know, we are all broken in some way. We all have some sort of baggage we carry with us. I found that is what makes us who we are, good, bad, or is. Some days are better than others. Some days are the best. Something I can relate to and others I just feel like I have been hiding in a cave. It's one reason I came and stayed to learn and discover, why. Especial with women why is it so hard. Why women are, and for so long, treated so wrongly. WE all know it, see it, hear about it, and it still keeps going on. It makes me feel so awful for being apart of the male, i don't know what to call it. It just feels as a guy I need to do something. Tell, anyway, awesome job. Graet job. You see it gets me thinking.
And exactly, we all have some sort of baggage that we carry, and that doesn’t change. It makes us who we are, and we just have to go through our days with it. Thank you so much for reading! You’re almost done reading it all! Lol
I enjoyed this piece Amanda! Touched on some really important points concerning mental health and mental illness. Shit, I got diagnosed bipolar at 22 and that was the first time I truly looked at my mental health. I personally couldn't quite accept the diagnosis until years later, but this piece got me thinking, so thanks again!
Peter!! hi again!! I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you. You’re so strong for that. Acceptance is so important for us to move forward and live a healthier life. Thank you for commenting!
This hit heavy: I so relate to some of these feelings and resonated with so much of this: in my case I have struggled with serious depression (diagnosed lol) but it took me so long to reach out for help because if I’m being really honest (well there were many reasons but this is one) I definitely was absorbed by that sense of “aesthetic” and… it’s so stupid
Andrew!!! Thank you so so much for your comment. I guess most of us have been there! But it’s really significant that you got out of that place in your life!! Proud of you!!! 🥹🥹✨🌟
This was such a flashback! I haven't thought about Prozac Nation in ages! I just checked, and the age recommendation for this is 12! A twelve-year-old should not be watching that movie. What Prozac Nation was for you was the movie Thirteen to me (also recommended for twelve-year-olds). While I find the representation of mental illnesses important, I do agree that it needs to be WAY MORE nuanced than what it is today.
NO WAY. I totally didn’t know about the age recommendation thing! A twelve year old definitely shouldn’t be watching these movies, oh my god. And thirteen was SUCH a huge thing on tumblr as well, i remember it so much. And yes!!! It totally needs to be more nuanced and respectful. A great example of it for me is Anne Hathaway in ‘Modern Love’, she plays a bipolar character, and i found her performance + the script to be very touching and very sensible.
I just double checked, in the US it is PG-13, in Germany it is recommended for 12+. These movies had such a huge impact and parents had no clue (at least none of the parents around me). I have seen some scenes from Modern Love with Anne Hathaway in it and I agree they were excellent. But she is playing an adult and I do believe that makes a bit of a difference for younger impressionable minds. I think that is why Prozac Nation and Thirteen were so popular amongst teens, because the characters were young and relatable.
omg yes!! you’re so right! we had prozac nation and thirteen, and teens nowadays have “euphoria” as the one big,famous show that talks a bit about mental illnesses, which is.. even worse. Lol.
Man, I really appreciate this piece. I’m not able to fully articulate my thoughts right now, but mostly I’m thinking about how isolating it was to be a really mentally ill kid (and now a really mentally ill adult) amid a sea of people romanticizing and commodifying sickness. Or just minimizing the reality of living with severe psychiatric illness. I wish I could take these people by the shoulders and help them understand how agonizing it is to see your lived experience with illness treated like a trend.
Anyway, that’s for the journal. For you, Amanda: thank you for writing this. Much love 🫶🏻
Hi, Elijah! Thank you so much for your comment, your words mean so much to me. Dealing with mental illness, whichever mental illness, is never an easy thing. Sometimes, it feels like a curse upon us and we even ask ourselves why do we feel this way, and it’s really unfair to turn our TV on and see all these people diminishing our pain. I really hope you know that i know how you feel, that i wish you the best things and that you don’t need to grab people by the shoulders, because you have the sensitivity of your words on your side. By writing me this comment, i saw how hard it is to be under your skin and i saw how strong you are. Keep writing, as you have that power and strength inside of you. Much, much love always!
THIS. I've been wishy washy with some art communities I find myself around because people tend to stick to a "sad" aesthetic in those groups that I'm working so hard to not be a part of anymore. It's okay to be happy too!
hi, Kelsey!!!! Thank you so much for your comment! and exactly!! being happy and healthy, most importantly, is definitely the goal. With so many things happening in the world and so many tragedies happening around us, why look for something that will only make you sadder? One can find inspiration in many things, you definitely don’t need to do anything that feels unauthentic to you in order to feel it. ❤️
i loved the humor and nostalgic tone used in this, brought me back to my teenage years when i read looking for alaska and i wanted to be just like her. took me for a ride that im still trying to get out of xx
Thank you so much for your comment, Luma! ❤️ These memories stay in our heads for so long, and although it’s difficult to leave them, it’s nice to know that someone feels the same way, it definitely helps me to get out of this ride.
Amandaaaa I too re-read Prozac Nation like 7 times but I think I was 23 not 13? I feel like I got a decade on you so if you’re the auntie here then omfg I’m … 🥹
PLAY VOLLEYBALL!! AND DO EVERYTHING YOU MISSED OUT ON!!!! HEAL YOUR INNER CHILD/PRETEEN/TEEN/YOUNG ADULT HEAL THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL (I for instance lovvvved twilight when i first watched it but the internet/goth culture had convinced me it was ass, now I'm 25 and I rewatch it on a regular basis, and I try to do everything I used to think I was too cool for. It's very healing :') <3 )
hi, lena!! thank you for reading!! omg can you imagine being a lana del rey + lady gaga superfan in a catholic school? everything was banned lol idk how i survived high school
Daffy Duck pants: https://images.app.goo.gl/WsemtYKPuwdhv1Lh9
I just had a flashback how could I forget Carmen, Carmen, top shelf liquor Carmen?! Loved the reminder to teen readers that it's okay to act their age and not a fraught aesthetic. I would gently like to point out that self-diagnosis, while complicated, shouldn't be immediately disregarded. A lot of children from non majority groups (girls, non-white) are proven to have a much harder time being diagnosed and even when diagnosed neglected or put in harm's way.
hi, Delise! Thank you for your comment!!! I do believe that self diagnosis shouldn’t be disregarded, what i truly meant with this piece is a self diagnosis in a way that feels like “If everyone on tiktok seems to be having this disease , i should have it too to be a part of a certain group and fit in somehow”! It’s great that you pointed that out! Thank you for reading!! And Carmen was really the blueprint for our tumblr generation, right?!
i think it may have been a good idea to add the nuance surrounding self diagnosis in a footnote, if not somewhere else in the piece. without that context, it reads (at least for me) as a bit reductive. love your work and the meaning of this piece overall, but we can critique glamorization of mental illness without coming off as flippant towards self diagnosis
hi, Sophie!! Thank you so much for your comment! After writing this piece, i came up to two mental health professionals with this dilemma. And we came up with the conclusion that self diagnosis is a really complex matter. Although i can’t say it is right to do it, if mental health care is inaccessible or unaffordable, self diagnosis can be a necessity and a valid option. I will definitely add that to the piece, so it doesn’t become incomplete, but i can’t necessarily say that self diagnosis by influence of media is right (which is the context of the piece), but outside of it, there is this opinion. The piece was meant to reach people who are more vulnerable to influence, as teenagers, so they don’t make the mistake that i, unfortunately, did. So i meant to be very clear about the importance of mental health and knowing your diagnosis, i really apologize if i came out as flippant, that is really the opposite of what i meant to do! Thank you so much for pointing that out and i’ll definitely add it to the piece, if you have anymore suggestions or questions, my dms and comments are always open and that will be greatly appreciated!!! 🫶🏻✨🥹🩷
Carmen doesn’t get enough love as a song!
SO TRUE. It marked a generation!! The hold it had on tumblr was unmatched.
So true! Back when Tumblr was all the rage! I remember sitting in class (UK) with my friend, and she set me up a page. All other social media was blocked in school, but they didn’t know about Tumblr!
these were THE DAYSS!!!!! Back when the girls were plotting and scheming about what to do to get a Taylor Swift reblog on her “Red” era.
When you used to pick a song to put on your tumblr page! It was the equivalent of decorating your igloo in Club Penguin!
OMG YES!!! Me struggling to find out which arctic monkeys song to put there ( the most unknown one, because i had to be cool)
I think mine was usually Lana or Pink Floyd!
You're not a regular writer, you're an excellent writer. The romanticization (now, there's a word I don't use a lot) of mental illness long predates Elizabeth Wurtzel though. I believe it took hold in the early 19th century with the Romantic poets. Each generation seems to rediscover it, and have its own icons. Sylvia Plath achieved immortality not by writing excellent poetry, but by committing suicide. Rock stars are adored not on spite of, but because of their messed up lives. Thanks for taking a stand against all this!
Lia!!! Thank you so much for your comment! And thank you for reading this!! It shocks me and saddens me to know that it has been a thing since very, very long ago. And exactly, such a sharp observation on Plath and Rock stars! I truly think that if we, personally, take a stand against all this, we can change our lives for the better and other people’s lives,too! (especially the teens). Mental health is very important and very should be taken very seriously.
“I don't know what's right and what's real anymore And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore And when do you think it will all become clear?'Cause I'm being taken over by the Fear”
-Lilly Allen
I don't really know why it does, this song when I first heard it just spoke to me. I would listen to it over and over. When I was happy, sad, mad, just pissed off at everything and everyone. I always know, we are all broken in some way. We all have some sort of baggage we carry with us. I found that is what makes us who we are, good, bad, or is. Some days are better than others. Some days are the best. Something I can relate to and others I just feel like I have been hiding in a cave. It's one reason I came and stayed to learn and discover, why. Especial with women why is it so hard. Why women are, and for so long, treated so wrongly. WE all know it, see it, hear about it, and it still keeps going on. It makes me feel so awful for being apart of the male, i don't know what to call it. It just feels as a guy I need to do something. Tell, anyway, awesome job. Graet job. You see it gets me thinking.
Mark!!! I love that song!! “The Fear”!
And exactly, we all have some sort of baggage that we carry, and that doesn’t change. It makes us who we are, and we just have to go through our days with it. Thank you so much for reading! You’re almost done reading it all! Lol
I am getting there. I am savoring each words like a fine meal. I don’t want to miss a thing.
Lol!! That’s so nice! So happy to see that you’re liking the pieces!!
I enjoyed this piece Amanda! Touched on some really important points concerning mental health and mental illness. Shit, I got diagnosed bipolar at 22 and that was the first time I truly looked at my mental health. I personally couldn't quite accept the diagnosis until years later, but this piece got me thinking, so thanks again!
Peter!! hi again!! I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you. You’re so strong for that. Acceptance is so important for us to move forward and live a healthier life. Thank you for commenting!
You're welcome! Glad to have found your writing, keep going, good stuff.
This hit heavy: I so relate to some of these feelings and resonated with so much of this: in my case I have struggled with serious depression (diagnosed lol) but it took me so long to reach out for help because if I’m being really honest (well there were many reasons but this is one) I definitely was absorbed by that sense of “aesthetic” and… it’s so stupid
Andrew!!! Thank you so so much for your comment. I guess most of us have been there! But it’s really significant that you got out of that place in your life!! Proud of you!!! 🥹🥹✨🌟
❤️❤️❤️
This was such a flashback! I haven't thought about Prozac Nation in ages! I just checked, and the age recommendation for this is 12! A twelve-year-old should not be watching that movie. What Prozac Nation was for you was the movie Thirteen to me (also recommended for twelve-year-olds). While I find the representation of mental illnesses important, I do agree that it needs to be WAY MORE nuanced than what it is today.
NO WAY. I totally didn’t know about the age recommendation thing! A twelve year old definitely shouldn’t be watching these movies, oh my god. And thirteen was SUCH a huge thing on tumblr as well, i remember it so much. And yes!!! It totally needs to be more nuanced and respectful. A great example of it for me is Anne Hathaway in ‘Modern Love’, she plays a bipolar character, and i found her performance + the script to be very touching and very sensible.
I just double checked, in the US it is PG-13, in Germany it is recommended for 12+. These movies had such a huge impact and parents had no clue (at least none of the parents around me). I have seen some scenes from Modern Love with Anne Hathaway in it and I agree they were excellent. But she is playing an adult and I do believe that makes a bit of a difference for younger impressionable minds. I think that is why Prozac Nation and Thirteen were so popular amongst teens, because the characters were young and relatable.
omg yes!! you’re so right! we had prozac nation and thirteen, and teens nowadays have “euphoria” as the one big,famous show that talks a bit about mental illnesses, which is.. even worse. Lol.
Man, I really appreciate this piece. I’m not able to fully articulate my thoughts right now, but mostly I’m thinking about how isolating it was to be a really mentally ill kid (and now a really mentally ill adult) amid a sea of people romanticizing and commodifying sickness. Or just minimizing the reality of living with severe psychiatric illness. I wish I could take these people by the shoulders and help them understand how agonizing it is to see your lived experience with illness treated like a trend.
Anyway, that’s for the journal. For you, Amanda: thank you for writing this. Much love 🫶🏻
Hi, Elijah! Thank you so much for your comment, your words mean so much to me. Dealing with mental illness, whichever mental illness, is never an easy thing. Sometimes, it feels like a curse upon us and we even ask ourselves why do we feel this way, and it’s really unfair to turn our TV on and see all these people diminishing our pain. I really hope you know that i know how you feel, that i wish you the best things and that you don’t need to grab people by the shoulders, because you have the sensitivity of your words on your side. By writing me this comment, i saw how hard it is to be under your skin and i saw how strong you are. Keep writing, as you have that power and strength inside of you. Much, much love always!
this is incredibly iconic thank u for writing friend
omg!! thank you so much, Brianna!!! 🩷
THIS. I've been wishy washy with some art communities I find myself around because people tend to stick to a "sad" aesthetic in those groups that I'm working so hard to not be a part of anymore. It's okay to be happy too!
hi, Kelsey!!!! Thank you so much for your comment! and exactly!! being happy and healthy, most importantly, is definitely the goal. With so many things happening in the world and so many tragedies happening around us, why look for something that will only make you sadder? One can find inspiration in many things, you definitely don’t need to do anything that feels unauthentic to you in order to feel it. ❤️
i loved the humor and nostalgic tone used in this, brought me back to my teenage years when i read looking for alaska and i wanted to be just like her. took me for a ride that im still trying to get out of xx
Thank you so much for your comment, Luma! ❤️ These memories stay in our heads for so long, and although it’s difficult to leave them, it’s nice to know that someone feels the same way, it definitely helps me to get out of this ride.
Amandaaaa I too re-read Prozac Nation like 7 times but I think I was 23 not 13? I feel like I got a decade on you so if you’re the auntie here then omfg I’m … 🥹
aww, Sudanaaa!!! Let’s totally drop this age discussion because we’re all old to teenagers anyway 😔✊🏻 LMAO
PLAY VOLLEYBALL!! AND DO EVERYTHING YOU MISSED OUT ON!!!! HEAL YOUR INNER CHILD/PRETEEN/TEEN/YOUNG ADULT HEAL THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL (I for instance lovvvved twilight when i first watched it but the internet/goth culture had convinced me it was ass, now I'm 25 and I rewatch it on a regular basis, and I try to do everything I used to think I was too cool for. It's very healing :') <3 )
YESSS!!! i LOVE that for you and i love this energy so much!! You go!!! Love you for that!!!!! 💌🥹🫶🏻✨🩷
lmao idk what precisely is in the carmen mv but i feel like it's telling that my school wifi blocked access to it....
a fantastic read!!
hi, lena!! thank you for reading!! omg can you imagine being a lana del rey + lady gaga superfan in a catholic school? everything was banned lol idk how i survived high school
you’re brilliant, i love the end of this. being healthy and happy and bad at volleyball is so in.
AW, Aleikza!!! I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH! 🥹🫶🏻💌✨🩷