awesome awesome piece amada!! so much to think about so many amazing recommendation,—killer as always. And i loveee the way that you inserted interviews with other substackers into the mix. such a novel way to help foster conversation here.
and on a further note i've been thinking a lot about erotic desire in pop music and how real authentic passion tends to be shunned for a weird sort of physical calculation. i wonder if the shame that comes from openly discussing sexuality pushes it so far to the other side that a real honest musical assessment of sexuality tends to feel dirty for just how mundane it is. i feel like what really sets apart chappell roan's discography is precisely this in that it places the real mundanity of sexuality into conflict with the souped up performative eroticism, idk just spitballing here,—but great piece! love love love the work you've been doing with the book club too
griffin!!! thank you so much!! That honestly means a lot! I tried to include every perspective I could, and I’m so happy to see that my research payed off! Chappell ‘s music disrupting this pattern of performative eroticism is such a great idea for a piece lol, i totally agree!
I had a YouTube channel that talked openly about the nuts and bolts of sex. I nuked it as I had to prioritize other things, but the goal was to give listeners and understanding of biology, techniques, etc. for a better sexual experience.
Most men tend to have a very "conqueror" attitude towards sex. Something that is to be gained from a woman. A lot of women do enjoy being am unabashed object of desire while having sex, but from my experience, women also crave sexual variety (even within the same session).
I (and some other fuckbois I know) view sex completely different. It is more like picking up a doubles partner for tennis. You are working together for a shared mutually enjoyable experience. There is a give and a take, a push and a pull that happens and creates a positive feedback loop that increases in intensity until your both tapped out legs shaking and can hardly breathe.
I have heard guys criticize saying shit like, "how hard is sex? You just go in and out". That is like saying to write an emotionally capturing story you just need to put words on a paper.
Furthermore, regardless of what safe space is created for women to write, the majority of men will judge. Plain and simple, there is no getting rid of it.
I do wish you ladies the best of luck, I think sex education has been sorely lack the last few decades. There are no new Sue Johansons. Good sex is good for couples, it is a bonding exercise that can bring people closer.
Thank you so much for your comment. I honestly don’t have the words to tell you how much i appreciate it. I’ll pin it so that people can see it first because i feel like it’s an extension of what was said on my piece. There really are no new Sue Johansons and that is so, so sad.
Hi Amanda! I love ALL of this, and invite you to check out my Substack, too! It’s mostly about sex…but also all of those other issues that tend to intertwine with a woman’s life, including love, family, identity, and me talking health. 💕
Thank you so much for being a part of this, Sarah!!
It wouldn’t be as meaningful without your words! Thank you for being such an inspiration and for bringing awareness to such an important subject! Love you! 🥹❤️
Amanda! What a brilliant piece that you curated. Thank you for your warm invitation to participate, it is such an honor to have been included in your vision.
Thank you for giving a voice to such an important issue. If we had a chance to speak to most people on the planet, I'm confident that sex would be an edge for many of them to speak about. My Tantra teacher Layla Martin talks about how if we can go into our shame and find god, then we can find god anywhere. There is such a reclamation underfoot. Thank you for amplifying our voices. It's a blessing to know you and counted among these ranks. ❤️
Thank you so much for being a part of this, Sarah! My vision wouldn’t be complete without you! We had such a tight schedule to come up
with this and you still did it beautifully and gracefully! I’ll cherish your appreciation and your time forever! This piece will always be here and it will definitely make its way to women who need to read it! We’re making a difference! ✨🥹🩷
thank you. I feel dumb. I knew women are complex and simple. Most I had to figure out. With the few relationships I have had, I learned more. I am still learning and look for more knowledge. I know my curse as a guy is a count against me, [in my head I hope]. It's not, I know, if I ever do meet the "one" I want her to know and feel safe and secure in who she is. What she wants and talks about. Being her best friend. It almost sounds like a dream or fairytail but I know anything is possible. I know knowing someone with the help and knowledge here, I can be a better person for whomever. Again, many thank yous for making this happen.
There is a difference, I think, between writing about real sex and writing erotica that takes place in a semi-fantasy world, a place free of inhibitions, but also free of sexual traumas and social issues. I write the latter, because I want to create escapism.
Hi! Fellow sex writer and ex Catholic good girl! Sooooo thrilled that there are women like you taking up this space! Seriously I came to substack with one mission and that was to write openly about sex, my sex life and having an open relationship with my partner. it was scary at first but now it feels like im doing my lifes purposeful work! And you all are also soo inspiring to me to continue and not be afraid to share my voice because one thing I notice is the women that ARE writing and talking about sex dont look like me or come from the same place. so its feels lonely sometimes. but seeing more women bringing sexy back sure feels like its about damn time!🫶💋💖
omg hi!!! I do believe every single one of us comes to this earth with a mission, and it’s so refreshing to see you pursuing yours!! Don’t ever stop writing, because your perspective is so important. Thank you so much for this comment!!! And thank you for everything that you do! 🥹🫶🏻
Interesting piece Amanda, and thanks for shedding some light on some writers I don't know about. I do want to say that I feel all of us, even the heterosexual males, are constantly trying to understand our own sexuality further. And when we do have a consistent partner or lover, sex is certainly something that must evolve and be uncovered fully. Anyways, thanks again for this piece!
Peter!! Thank you so much!! It’s so refreshing to see that there are men like you on this platform, who are willing to learn, change and embrace things. Thank you for your comment!
You rock for writing this. My day job in sextech. I see these issues constantly and agree representation is a requirement to shift perception. I’m proud, and occasionally afraid, to have recently joined this sexy wave here on Substack. It’s very affirming to read this 👏❤️
Abigail!!! Thank you so much! You’re making a difference just like us, and i’m so proud of you for doing so! We need more people like you in this world. 🥹❤️
my girl!!! this is incredible!!! the passion and care and research you put into your work is unparalleled! you never cease to amaze me with your talent!!! this is such an important conversation and i’m so glad you’re spearheading it. 💘💌🫡🫶🏻🌟🍸🌸
this reminds me of a book I just read where the woman does not like penetrative sex, yet the man still convinces her to do it and suddenly she now loves penetrative sex, like he “healed” her. also when booktok calls women who like reading romance/erotica “porn addicts”. wonderful piece, I always love your writing
hi, gorgeous!!! Thank you so much for reading!!! And exactly! That’s such a perfect example! As always, you’re so incredibly intelligent and insightful. 🥹✨✨🩷
Hi, Magdalena! While i understand your approach, i find it really sexy when women support each other and understand the general meaning of things, besides a reference or a quote. It’s very sexy and cool to have free will, as women, to like or dislike things ,something we did not have for quite a while! That’s why i appreciate your comment! And i hope you appreciated the piece, and what it means besides the brief mention of a fictional tv show! 🩷
awesome awesome piece amada!! so much to think about so many amazing recommendation,—killer as always. And i loveee the way that you inserted interviews with other substackers into the mix. such a novel way to help foster conversation here.
and on a further note i've been thinking a lot about erotic desire in pop music and how real authentic passion tends to be shunned for a weird sort of physical calculation. i wonder if the shame that comes from openly discussing sexuality pushes it so far to the other side that a real honest musical assessment of sexuality tends to feel dirty for just how mundane it is. i feel like what really sets apart chappell roan's discography is precisely this in that it places the real mundanity of sexuality into conflict with the souped up performative eroticism, idk just spitballing here,—but great piece! love love love the work you've been doing with the book club too
griffin!!! thank you so much!! That honestly means a lot! I tried to include every perspective I could, and I’m so happy to see that my research payed off! Chappell ‘s music disrupting this pattern of performative eroticism is such a great idea for a piece lol, i totally agree!
I had a YouTube channel that talked openly about the nuts and bolts of sex. I nuked it as I had to prioritize other things, but the goal was to give listeners and understanding of biology, techniques, etc. for a better sexual experience.
Most men tend to have a very "conqueror" attitude towards sex. Something that is to be gained from a woman. A lot of women do enjoy being am unabashed object of desire while having sex, but from my experience, women also crave sexual variety (even within the same session).
I (and some other fuckbois I know) view sex completely different. It is more like picking up a doubles partner for tennis. You are working together for a shared mutually enjoyable experience. There is a give and a take, a push and a pull that happens and creates a positive feedback loop that increases in intensity until your both tapped out legs shaking and can hardly breathe.
I have heard guys criticize saying shit like, "how hard is sex? You just go in and out". That is like saying to write an emotionally capturing story you just need to put words on a paper.
Furthermore, regardless of what safe space is created for women to write, the majority of men will judge. Plain and simple, there is no getting rid of it.
I do wish you ladies the best of luck, I think sex education has been sorely lack the last few decades. There are no new Sue Johansons. Good sex is good for couples, it is a bonding exercise that can bring people closer.
Cheers.
Thank you so much for your comment. I honestly don’t have the words to tell you how much i appreciate it. I’ll pin it so that people can see it first because i feel like it’s an extension of what was said on my piece. There really are no new Sue Johansons and that is so, so sad.
Anytime. Again, best of luck. Cheers!
Hi Amanda! I love ALL of this, and invite you to check out my Substack, too! It’s mostly about sex…but also all of those other issues that tend to intertwine with a woman’s life, including love, family, identity, and me talking health. 💕
hi Anna! I’ll definitely check it out!! Thank you for the comment and thank you the amazing recommendation!!! 🩷🫶🏻
Anna’s writing and life is 🔥🔥🔥🔥 def worth reading!!
You are very kind!! :-)
This is such a beautiful, empowering piece, and I am so honored to have been a part of it.
Thank you, Amanda, for giving voice to women who are writing about sex. You are part of the revolution!
Much love and gratitude 🙏 ❤️
Thank you so much for being a part of this, Sarah!!
It wouldn’t be as meaningful without your words! Thank you for being such an inspiration and for bringing awareness to such an important subject! Love you! 🥹❤️
Amanda! What a brilliant piece that you curated. Thank you for your warm invitation to participate, it is such an honor to have been included in your vision.
Thank you for giving a voice to such an important issue. If we had a chance to speak to most people on the planet, I'm confident that sex would be an edge for many of them to speak about. My Tantra teacher Layla Martin talks about how if we can go into our shame and find god, then we can find god anywhere. There is such a reclamation underfoot. Thank you for amplifying our voices. It's a blessing to know you and counted among these ranks. ❤️
Thank you so much for being a part of this, Sarah! My vision wouldn’t be complete without you! We had such a tight schedule to come up
with this and you still did it beautifully and gracefully! I’ll cherish your appreciation and your time forever! This piece will always be here and it will definitely make its way to women who need to read it! We’re making a difference! ✨🥹🩷
thank you. I feel dumb. I knew women are complex and simple. Most I had to figure out. With the few relationships I have had, I learned more. I am still learning and look for more knowledge. I know my curse as a guy is a count against me, [in my head I hope]. It's not, I know, if I ever do meet the "one" I want her to know and feel safe and secure in who she is. What she wants and talks about. Being her best friend. It almost sounds like a dream or fairytail but I know anything is possible. I know knowing someone with the help and knowledge here, I can be a better person for whomever. Again, many thank yous for making this happen.
Aw, Mark! Don’t feel dumb! I’m totally sure you’ll find someone and that she’ll appreciate all of your efforts! Thank you for reading!
There is a difference, I think, between writing about real sex and writing erotica that takes place in a semi-fantasy world, a place free of inhibitions, but also free of sexual traumas and social issues. I write the latter, because I want to create escapism.
hi, Ema!! Thank you for your comment! And i totally agree with you! There is a difference. I’m glad you’re writing about it! ❤️
Hi! Fellow sex writer and ex Catholic good girl! Sooooo thrilled that there are women like you taking up this space! Seriously I came to substack with one mission and that was to write openly about sex, my sex life and having an open relationship with my partner. it was scary at first but now it feels like im doing my lifes purposeful work! And you all are also soo inspiring to me to continue and not be afraid to share my voice because one thing I notice is the women that ARE writing and talking about sex dont look like me or come from the same place. so its feels lonely sometimes. but seeing more women bringing sexy back sure feels like its about damn time!🫶💋💖
omg hi!!! I do believe every single one of us comes to this earth with a mission, and it’s so refreshing to see you pursuing yours!! Don’t ever stop writing, because your perspective is so important. Thank you so much for this comment!!! And thank you for everything that you do! 🥹🫶🏻
Interesting piece Amanda, and thanks for shedding some light on some writers I don't know about. I do want to say that I feel all of us, even the heterosexual males, are constantly trying to understand our own sexuality further. And when we do have a consistent partner or lover, sex is certainly something that must evolve and be uncovered fully. Anyways, thanks again for this piece!
Peter!! Thank you so much!! It’s so refreshing to see that there are men like you on this platform, who are willing to learn, change and embrace things. Thank you for your comment!
You rock for writing this. My day job in sextech. I see these issues constantly and agree representation is a requirement to shift perception. I’m proud, and occasionally afraid, to have recently joined this sexy wave here on Substack. It’s very affirming to read this 👏❤️
Abigail!!! Thank you so much! You’re making a difference just like us, and i’m so proud of you for doing so! We need more people like you in this world. 🥹❤️
😘😘❤️
Once again a great and very interesting piece Amanda!
Lisa!!! Thank you so much! I’m so glad you liked it! 🥹✨🩷🫶🏻💌
thank you so much sweet angel for having me on this piece 🥺⭐️
thank you so much for being a part of this!! 🥹💌✨🩷🫶🏻
my girl!!! this is incredible!!! the passion and care and research you put into your work is unparalleled! you never cease to amaze me with your talent!!! this is such an important conversation and i’m so glad you’re spearheading it. 💘💌🫡🫶🏻🌟🍸🌸
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! I wouldn’t be anywhere without your support and your friendship!!! 🥹✨🍀💜
this reminds me of a book I just read where the woman does not like penetrative sex, yet the man still convinces her to do it and suddenly she now loves penetrative sex, like he “healed” her. also when booktok calls women who like reading romance/erotica “porn addicts”. wonderful piece, I always love your writing
hi, gorgeous!!! Thank you so much for reading!!! And exactly! That’s such a perfect example! As always, you’re so incredibly intelligent and insightful. 🥹✨✨🩷
you’re too sweet!! ily🥹🫶🏼🤍
You cannot bring sexy back by starting your piece with a Friends reference.
Hi, Magdalena! While i understand your approach, i find it really sexy when women support each other and understand the general meaning of things, besides a reference or a quote. It’s very sexy and cool to have free will, as women, to like or dislike things ,something we did not have for quite a while! That’s why i appreciate your comment! And i hope you appreciated the piece, and what it means besides the brief mention of a fictional tv show! 🩷
I do appreciate your content, and this piece. I do not agree that the normativization of women supporting women is sexy tho.
I agree and respect your opinion!
While it isn’t a norm, it’s kind to support each other sometimes.