The Tower.

2025 was my once every three years.

I was very sick for a couple of weeks, as you may have heard (or maybe you haven’t, you probably have something else better to do). I had a long cold, covid, or all of the above. And as a very bed ridden sick person does, I started watching weird videos from probably 10 years ago about Tarot Cards.

It turns out my personal arcana is The Tower.

I Thought that it was quite strange. I am stable! Are you kidding me? I’m the most rational, logical, normal person I know. Maybe the second most rational person I know, because my virgo father will be reading all of this and he will say its all bullshit (with love). But as my father also says, people have to believe in something. People cannot live purposeless lives, but its hard to see any purpose when you’re constantly working towards an abstract version of your purpose. That is, being in your 20s and overworked by something that you think you should be doing. That’s not my point, sorry.

THE TOWER. The scariest tarot card maybe ever. At least for me.

“The Tower, as Personal Arcana, indicates a mission to build, destroy, and rebuild. Cultivate emotional resilience to overcome adversities and continuously rebuild yourself, working on forgiveness and overcoming grievances.”

Trust me, while living with The Tower, you’ll think you’re ok. Everything is under control. It’s Tuesday. What could POSSIBLY happen on a Tuesday?!

Until you feel it.

That shiver down your spine.

It’s Tuesday, and you’ll never be the same again. Your best friend of twelve years will disappear, your boyfriend will cheat on you, you’ll suddenly find yourself quitting your corporate job because you can’t handle your boss hitting on you, you’ll lose your stable ground. You’ll suffer.

It’s Tuesday and it will be the first day of the rest of your life. It will happen once every three years. It will NEVER fail. Once every three years, the card comes to destroy the arrogance of my youth. The arrogance to think people will never leave me, because I would never do that to them. The arrogance to trust people because they can trust me.

Everything will stay the same once you wake up Wednesday morning, but you will not recognize yourself. You’ll feel UPSIDE DOWN. You’ll know then that you will never be that same version of yourself again, as much as you try to kintsugi the broken ceramic pieces of your life. If that makes any sense. You’ll figure it out.

To offer you a contrast, though, as much as you may think everything falling apart is fucked up, there’s a good thing about The Tower. You somehow end up even stronger. Maybe because you’re less arrogant, if I could take a wild guess.

Once you let go of everything you’re meant to lose once every three years, you feel it again. A new job opportunity miles and miles away, a new subscriber, a new friend, someone on the other side of the planet telling you they love your shit.

That, my friends, is how I am able to change jobs, cities, hairstyles, habits, friends, and anything you can think of once every three years. Not boyfriends, though. I am traumatized. I have lived a thousand fucking lives. So that’s why I want YOUR vote for “Someone who’s the voice of her generation”. I could write a whole book about WhatsApp etiquette, fyi. But that’s something for another post.

Anyway, as I was writing, I began watching these weird ass YouTube videos from a hundred years ago so they could tell me who I am, and they basically told me that I will never know. What I can say is: I am someone in constant change, because life made me that way, inherently. I am a 5’0 sentimental gangster. I have put up with shit I thought I’d never get over.

Funnily enough, the more I am FORCED to change, the more I learn. Maybe that’s it. I can close my eyes, and I can remember every single version of myself with so much empathy. I understand all of them once every three years as well. To change is to grow, and to grow is to change, right?

Who the fuck knew you could get all of that from a card. I’m still a little bit sick (I know you’re dying to know about my long cold-vid-thing), but I actually feel more alive than ever. People do have to believe in something, at the end of the day. I am rebuilding my tower, as one does.

See you in three years, I guess.